Kamala? -- What is it now Joe? -- I was just wondering, once they make you president due to my mental incompetence, will I have a place in your administration? -- Joe, I told you a thousand times, I need a mentally incompetent moron like yourself to be my press secretary. Who better than you Joe to confuse, distract, and annoy all those right wing media hounds out there? -- Thanks Kamala, you're the greatest! -- You're welcome. Now get lost, I have work to do. -- Yes maam! -- Geez, he's such a pain in the a$$!
Congressman Schiff, we are pleased to tell you your Covid 19 test shows negative. However, further neurological examination shows you are clinically insane without morals, compassion, or a sense of reality! -- Whew, great. You had me worried there for a second.
In a press conference, Trump reads from BIDEN'S LIST OF TOP 10 demands following the election results.
“Let’s see. He says he’ll concede if we do the following:”
FUND PELOSI’S FACE LIFT! “That’ll take some doing, but, yeah, that’s doable.”
CREATE A VACCINE, NOT FOR COVID, BUT FOR MY ANNOYING GROIN RASH! “Consider it done Joe!”
PROMISE TO HALT ANY INVESTIGATIONS INTO MYSELF OR MY SON REGARDING ALLEGED CORRUPTION. “Mmmm, nah! Sorry Joe, no can do. Tell yah what though, I’ll make sure your cell is equipped with an 84 inch Smart TV, a chair massager, and a cappuccino machine! That’s the best I can do buddy.”
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT! WHAT WAS IT I JUST LOST? THE 'RESIDENCY' RIGHT? DOES THIS MEAN I CAN NO LONGER GET INTO THE ELITE BELAIR HOME FOR THE MENTALLY CHALLENGED AFTERALL? “Aaaaa, yeah Joe, that’s it! Sorry bout that!”
OH, AND I WANT ONE OF THOSE MY PILLOWS! “Done!”
AND GET ME A DATE WITH LAURA INGRAHAM. SHE’S HOT! “When she stops laughing, she said she’d let me know. Fingers crossed Joe!”
ADD VOICE ACTIVATION TO TELEPROMPTERS NATIONWIDE! “Sure, whatever you say Joe.”
MEET ME BEHIND THE GYM FOR AN OL’ FASHIONED BUTT WHIPPIN. AND I WANT AOC TO REFEREE. “Sure Joe, whatever you say. But I think in all fairness perhaps you should referee and AOC should do the fighting. You’d stand a better chance. Just a suggestion.”
TELL THE LEFT WING FAKE NEWS OUTLETS TO STOP ATTACKING ME! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! “Aaaa, I’ll make sure I tell em Joe. You’ve been a victim long enough.”
AND I WANT A STATUE OF ME ERECTED IN FRONT OF THE WHITE HOUSE. “Well, I can work that out, but it won’t be in front of the White House Joe. The best I can do is in front of a Denny’s restaurant outside Boise? Take it or leave it!"